


&goodbye

by renvly



Category: EVERGLOW (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Brutal Murder, Drabble, F/F, Flashbacks, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Mental Health Issues, Non-Linear Narrative, Open to Interpretation, Psychological Trauma, Regret, Tags Contain Spoilers, Unsettling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-29 18:32:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19025539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renvly/pseuds/renvly
Summary: Jiwon stares into Yiren's eyes, knowing, but not knowing enough."What happened, Yiren?" she asks, voice delicate around the edges.Flames burn Yiren's pupils, and she blinks the sting from her eyes.“Nothing happened." Her voice is firm, unwavering, and for a moment, Yiren believes herself.





	&goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> this... is a weird one ngl. also very disturbing, so,,, yeah, be warned. small tw for smoking and mentioned drinking
> 
> named after the songs [&burn](https://twitter.com/wnkvh?s=09) and [goodbye](https://twitter.com/wnkvh?s=09) by billie eilish, bc i was listening to to her discography before and during writing this (which i recommend you also do)

The stench of smoke fills Yiren's nose and burns her throat as she inhales. It's short, the act too unfamiliar for her to take more than small puffs. White smoke swirls in front of her face in tendrils, bleeding into the world like wet watercolor paints. She can hear life in the streets below, horns honking and civilians yelling. In the distance, an ambulance siren cuts through the thick city air.

 

She takes another puff, the rooftop door scraping the concrete as it opens behind her. In her peripheral, Yiren sees her leaning against the metal rail, watching with prying eyes. Yiren blinks, tear ducts stinging, and she barely lets out the smoke already in her lungs before she takes another, longer drag.

 

"I thought you'd be up here," Jiwon says. Yiren refuses to look at her, not yet. She bussies her eyes with tracing the art on a billboard in the distance, and Jiwon continues: "I saw the bottle on your bed."

 

Anxiety jolts through Yiren and she swallows, the guilty burn of alcohol still smouldering in her stomach. She hates liquor, never had a stomach for it even at the worst of times, and Yiren surprised herself at how much she stomached before she grabbed her pack of cigarettes. She's not drunk, but she feels suitably numb at this point, and eases back on her cigarette, taking slower, shallower drags.

 

"Yiren?" Jiwon tries, gentle. "What's wrong?"

 

Yiren looks to her now, glassy eyes shining all the city lights she's been watching until this moment.

 

"Nothing," she breathes out, like the word punched her in the chest. Neither of them move, staring into each other's eyes, waiting.

 

There's warmth against Yiren's cheeks, travelling over her face, down her neck, and to her chest. It's smothering her, and so, _so_ hot, it's unbearable, but she's petrified where she stands. She stares and doesn't move an inch, even when she feels the stinging burn reach her fingertips, singeing her skin.

 

It stops so suddenly, Yerin jolts, and she feels a freezing touch against her trembling hand. Jiwon has the butt of Yiren's cigarette pinched between her fingertips, stumping out the bright red cherry against the railing before tossing it over the ledge. Yiren looks away before Jiwon can turn back to her, lips tight and restless hands gripping and releasing the cool railing as she rocks on her heels.

 

Yiren can _feel_ Jiwon's gaze on the side of her face, can tell she's trying to read Yiren's behavior and gauge the situation. When they were younger, Yiren remembers how Jiwon would say she already knew what was bothering her. Back then, it was enough of a reason for Yiren to spill everything to her.

 

Now, though, Yiren is old enough to know better--to know Jiwon has no idea what flashes behind her eyelids.

 

"Eunji called me earlier today," Jiwon says. Yiren flinches at her name. "She said she couldn't get a hold of you. That she needed to talk to you."

 

Flames burn Yiren's pupils, and she blinks the sting from her eyes.

 

"I talked to her already," she says. "She picked me up earlier, and we went on a drive and talked."

 

There's a hand on Yiren's arm, and she flinches again. It's a silent question Jiwon is asking, but a clear one, pushing to know what they talked about on that drive. What Eunji said.

 

_I can't do this anymore._

 

"It's fine," Yiren says much too quickly.

 

_You need serious help._

 

"We're fine," she reiterates, breath stuttering.

 

_You're fucking sick, Yiren._

 

She can still hear the sound of Eunji's nose breaking underneath the force of her elbow.

 

"You know how Eunji is, Jiejie." Yiren's voice has softened significantly. She looks at Jiwon now, eyes dark and glassy, expression unreadable. Jiwon stares back, knowing, but not knowing enough. There's a look swimming in her eyes, a familiar one, but Yiren can't read it well enough.

 

"What happened, Yiren?" she asks, voice delicate around the edges.

 

Screams pierce Yiren's eardrums, and she doesn't flinch this time. She stands stone still, and takes in the way Eunji scrambles to find a door with a latch she can open. Yiren was smart enough to rip those off while Eunji was unconscious.

 

The flames have eaten up the the interior like it's candy, melting the plastic, and the black smoke rising around the car reeks as it fills Yiren's nose. When Eunji looks at Yiren and bangs on the plexiglass, screaming and crying, there's a fear and desperation in her eyes Yiren never thought she'd see on another human being. It scares her, how she feels nothing as she watches Eunji burn alive inside her own car.

 

Shrill screams pierce through the air like sirens, high and squealing, desperate and never stopping--

 

Cool fingertips touch Yiren's burning hot cheeks, wiping tears she hadn't even noticed were falling. Jiwon is looking into her eyes, concern laced with that same damn _look_ , and Yiren jumps when the ambulance siren rings in the street below them. Jiwon strokes her sticky cheek with her thumb, bringing all of Yiren's attention back to those eyes that shine like there's a fire in them.

 

“Nothing," she says finally. Her voice is firm, unwavering, and for a moment, Yiren believes herself. “Nothing happened."

 

The sirens move further from them, and the only thing left to fill the silence is the gentle breeze that blows past their ears.

 

That look never fades from Jiwon eyes, like Yiren is a ceramic knife in her hands. She stands still, breathes easily even as tears flow down her face and neck. Eventually, Jiwon pulls her hands away and wraps an arm around Yiren's shoulders.

 

“Let's get inside," she murmurs. “I'll make you some tea."

 

Yiren follows easily, letting Jiwon steer her to the only door on the rooftop. Metal scrapes against concrete and they step inside, Yiren walking ahead of Jiwon. The heavy door clangs shut, cutting off the shrill sirens that still echo in the city streets.

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to ask questions if u have any, ik the narrative wasnt the most clear thing in the world asdjdh but i hope u enjoyed <3


End file.
